What Good Is Gossip?

When I was young, the word “gossip” brought to mind the visual of one of my friends with a hand over her mouth, whispering about another friend’s less-than-name-brand outfit. (That and flat hair were the two main faux pas of the 1980s.)  I knew gossip like that was mean-spirited and hurtful. Inevitably,  the subject of the snide comment felt hurt that a friend would talk about her behind her back.

Today, the same word, “gossip”, brings to mind a different word picture, which still surprises my brain. Honestly, I now picture the anchor of a major news network reading the teleprompter. In our culture and current context, gossip has become so prevalent that we find it difficult to distinguish it from the day’s popular news cycle.

I remember Walter Cronkite reading the news each evening when I was a little girl, reporting just the facts and making no interpretation for others to agree with or argue about. It was simply assumed that the listener could make their own decisions about what to believe and how to think. Today, it seems that the news is subjective, not objective, and everyone fully expects it to lead to division and pettiness. Even live broadcasts of our political leaders are accompanied by hateful, slanderous, even threatening comments. How disappointing!

Gossip has gone from small, personal digs behind the scenes to an all-encompassing, systemic approach to life, so much so that our culture has become built around it. Cynicism and accusation have become perfected art forms by many. It seems that some people have made this their life’s aim. Many of us assume the worst about others until they give us a reason to believe something good, instead of the other way around.

Unfortunately, our government leaders, tasked with serving the common good, have allowed gossip to pervade their work. Public service has become an ongoing fight of “us versus them”. Gossip is so pervasive in the political arena that badly needed progress seems permanently stalled.  Reaching out to work with those of another political party is all too rare. Instead of focusing on steps that need to be taken towards a positive future for all people, our public officials prefer to promote gossip by assassinating their opponents’ character and pointing out past mistakes of those on the other side of the aisle. People of excellent character prefer not to get involved with politics, because they don’t want to live a lifestyle of polarization and negativity.

Sadly, this is also the case in the Church. There are those who stir up division and spend their time slinging mud at other Christians they believe to be less faithful. Some even spread lies, in the quest to be the most popular or the most righteous. This is clearly a tactic of the Enemy, because it causes us to focus on the opposite of the Gospel, which is God’s grace for all people through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Tearing down others all too often steals our energy and motivation for working together to further God’s Kingdom.

Sadly, this is only the tip of the iceberg. Gossip has ruined healthy dynamics in families, homeowners associations, volunteer organizations, institutions of higher learning, and the list goes on.

Why is this so prevalent? I believe the answer is laziness. It’s much easier to denounce the enemy and spew anger than it is to engage our hearts and brains and lives to make a positive difference in the world.

Socrates said, “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” If we want to see positive change in our world, our families, our churches, and our society, we must lean into a building mentality. Gossip and destructive behavior will lead us nowhere, except into a downward spiral in these arenas.

I find that I am personally lured into gossip when I have something to lose or something to prove. When I am accused or blamed or ganged up on, I typically gather up allies and justify myself by bad mouthing those who are against me. Triangularization is a common tactic to justify oneself and put down one’s opponents. This is a form of gossip and not God’s will.

But on a macro level, the lure to gossip is more subtle. Focusing on the past, noting the negative, accusing those who’ve made mistakes, and forecasting doom are all forms of gossip which keep us from a brighter future. I wholeheartedly believe that God is calling us out of this! 

God is calling us to focus forward and commanding us to engage our best thoughts and actions to serve the world God loves. We can use our God-given talents and resources to serve others and improve the quality of life for every person. But we will be unable to do this and unequal to the task if our time and energy are focused on gossip.

Jesus taught about the danger of gossip and the cultivation of healthy relationships when he said this in Matthew 18:

‭“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”

Matthew 18:15-17 ESV‬

Jesus makes clear that arguments, wrongs and hard feelings are to be kept private, as much as possible. When we disagree, it is not a show. The embarrassment of others and the assassination of their character in a public setting is a disastrous alternative to what God desires. When we have something to work out because it’s creating a problem in our relationship, we should do so privately, in a one-on-one conversation. Concerns should not be aired publicly but privately, and others should only be brought into the conversation if the one-on-one discussion does not go well enough to reconcile the relationship. Even when others are brought in, it’s for the sake of seeking reconciliation, not a contest of who’s right and who’s wrong. The church’s involvement (as a last step, when needed) is built upon the hope of a deep understanding of God’s grace and mercy, which fills our lives.

Grace for others and mercy in response to wrongs are the building blocks for healthy interactions and a gossip-free human reality. We cannot change the approach of others, but we ourselves can decide not to participate in this cynical, self-righteous lifestyle. We can make a commitment to God and to ourselves that we will consistently search for the best in people and seek to bring forth their potential. We can commit to do the hard work of finding positive solutions and enacting God’s Kingdom on Earth.

There’s a section in the Old Testament book of Nehemiah which gives us a picture of this. After the Israelites returned from Exile in Babylon, Nehemiah knew that rebuilding the wall around the city of Jerusalem would be essential for a positive future for his people. He led the effort to reconstruct this massive wall around the city. There were those who fought against this progress and began to attack by sword those who were involved in the construction. At times, the workers under Nehemiah would have to pause their work to fight off the attacks of their enemies. They had to hold a sword in one hand in order to fend off attacks. After addressing these threats, they could then return to the work of construction.

This is a picture of what it means for us to seek a more positive way of living today. When we are forced to fight off our enemies’ hatred, division, lies, and cynicism, we are forced to put on pause the positive work of God. If we can keep our focus on construction as much as possible, we will be better for it. At times, we must address the negative attacks, but we cannot dwell there. It’s important to listen to God’s call and take action to build something beautiful.

God’s people did rebuild the wall around Jerusalem, and we can work to see positive change too. It will take a commitment to building rather than destruction. It will call for our best efforts and hard work. As we approach events with the potential for division (General Conference and the 2024 election cycle), will we commit now to approach these differently, through Christ? Rising above the laziness of gossip, let’s stay in the construction business and see God’s dreams realized.